Thursday, October 4, 2007
it has been a slack week at work, but i'm still tired.. physically tired definitely, but more undeniably tired of my profession.. sure its prestigious, it renders my lavish lifestyle possible, it's unbelievably stable where promotions are automatic yearly and at least im not a manic clubber [ or was, at least ;) ] who just loafs around when i'm not out there getting drunk! But whats the point of all the respect i command, the money (that seems worthless when its my happiness i trade), the benefits i'm entitled to- that if i list you'd probably want the job yourself, the fact that my job is the only thing my parents are probably proud of these days-what with my many bad habits and the many avenues open to me once i've been in the industry for a good few years..
All that just seems insignificant, even the fact that i'm my own woman- something i told myself i'd be ever since i can remember! and yet in all my 25 years, ive never felt more.. insipid; redundant; bleak. sigh, the end is drawing near and although i'm not getting cold feet, i do wonder in the 'blackest', furthest region of my gray matter if i'm making a mistake.. if i'm throwing away one of the few good things going for me in my life.. what if i never find my dream job, which is basically anything that makes me wake up with a smile.. what if thats why its called a dream job? coz its something that only exists in a fool's paradise. and what i have now, is something real and though tiring and borders on the line of insanity during the peak period, is also what will keep me safe in this money driven society we live in.. sigh no matter how much we deny the disgusting fact that moolah makes OUR world go round.. it does.
having said all that, i've decided. i made up my mind ages back and i shall not falter at the prospect of hardship. I will brave my decision and advance upon my search for my dream job- working with animals. Its all very ladeedaa sounding i know but that is, unfortunately, where my interests and passion lie. of course it'd have been all very convenient if numbers were my forte, but after pursuing a diploma and a degree in accounting and commerce, i've come to realise its clearly not. so yeah, i'm going to quit in approximately a month, n God knows whats in store for me after that.. sigh, wish me luckkkkkkkk!
The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of..
