guysssss...
after all the constant rambling, i did it. i QUIT.
sigh, i handed in my resignation letter. Its final.. Well ive still got a month notice to serve but its in black and white now. I havent seen anyone from the management yet but i will have to very soon.. am dreading the whole counselling and the works but a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do right. like right now, ive gotta go back to my ceiling high pile of work. sigh.
tata.

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of..

I'm bored stiff. But mind you i'm not complaining. In fact i'm enjoying it thoroughly. When people tell me they've got nothing to do at work and they're bored, i always tell them to ENJOY IT! Appreciate the free time for you'll miss their very existence when you're buried with work right up to your neck. One of the many valuable insights gained out of my 2 year working experience =) And also coz i'm gonna be a sad busy bee on Thursday onwards, i welcome boredom with open arms.

I took a walk around raffles place moments ago, just coz i could afford to :) and to grab a few buys in the name of fresh air, haha. I realised that if all goes according to plan, i won't be sashaying along these familiar streets much longer. I highly doubt i'll suffer any flashes of nostalgia if i miraculously do think back of these days, but i'm sure i'll miss it a teeny weeny bit. I really don't think i'll end up anywhere in the area again, but we shan't speak too soon, shall we.

Tis was a morning of many exaggerated sighs. Not even uttered by me, mind you. A million dollars for the soul who can guess the topic discussed in the morning, during the drive to work with the famous 'parentals'. Duh- my akan datang resignation. My dad, in his opinion casually but in mine definitely practiced, asked me what i plan to do once i've resigned". I swear i dread that question, or anything to do with this sensitive topic. Its only sensitive when its discussed with my parents, coz they think i'm giving up the one good thing going for me in my life. Although they never really said that in those words, they sure do insinuate it. I just mumbled that i wanted to have a go at teaching for a bit, hoping that my mumbling would be taken as a hint that i'd much rather be sniffing people's grosspits in a crowded train than be in the car at that very moment. But i knew that i'd have to keep them in the know, sooner or later and i figured i'd be less of a coward for once. So yeah i just said, look i don't know what i wanna do but i'll prob relief teach. My mom started on how she's gonna be retiring next year, and i cant be depending on them for an allowance and my dad, like the broken record that he is, reminded me how he's also a retiree (like he even lets me forget it in the first place, there really is no need for a REMINDER). And then there were many sighs.. i really felt so.. useless. I felt like, they wished they had a more responsible daughter, who was out there making millions so she could support her aging parents who'd never have to worry about money when they stopped making it for themselves. Sigh.. I got upset, i even felt guilty. But it lasted for a grand total of a second. And i lashed out "Is that all that matters? Doesn't my happiness matter? I hate it here, and i'm not happy, not even for a second. Why cant i for once make me happy." My outburst was only met by more sighs. And my mom just said she hopes i know what i'm doing.

Sigh, do i? All this while, i've been doing what they wanted. Hello, i ended up doing accounting for God's sake. My parents are both accountants. Go figure. It was the very epitome of a well made individual, and they, as all parents do, wanted their children to fit THAT bill. And so i ended up where i did, today. Its a good place to be, sure, if you're into numbers and that shit. I should've realised along the way (while studying i mean) that digits would be the death of me eventually but i thought i was stronger than that. Yeah the whole "what doesnt kill you will make you stronger" bullshit.. don't buy that. Its a farce. utter crap. I like to believe that what doesnt kill you.. will go right around and hit you squarely in the head again till you give in to it. So yeah right now its become a life or death situation in my very dramatized head. Blah blah blah.. i keep going on about this don't i. Only cos, i dont have the complete support of the two individuals who made their world mine. Now as i try to step out into my own realm, i need to fight off the strong hold they have on me. Its jus that i wish i didnt have to fight it.. i wish it would follow me. I wish they would. I just wish they understood. Maybe they do, maybe i'm being a little too harsh, a little too assuming. But I'll never really know will i? Coz all i hear are.. sighs.

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of..

heleuu everyone. Its Monday! I've beaten the blues outta the Monday so i'm feeling pretty alright :) I ran away from you know where and i now come to you live from cafe cartel at cityhall. heh. I just gorged myself with the yummiest garlic bread in da world and i have a sexy pina colada for company as i spend some quality time with myself! :) I love afternoons like this, where i can just chillax somewhere and while away the most difficult time of the day.. Once im done blogging i'm gonna read my book! so exciting! :) haha see what little it takes to excite auditors. Sigh, thus i repeat for the millionth time, this SO not the profession for me.

Ok enough re-visiting stale topics, i'll move along noww.. The weekend went by too quickly for comfort. I had a short friday coz i did my usual run-away routine. Tried to watch Robots at night but curling up on Prawn's lap was way more appealing. I played good daughter on Saturday and went to help my mom out at the Laavanya sari sale. To think i turned down the offer of becoming the owner of a gorgeous green sari. haha i'm quite done with my sari collection. I have a trillion in the cupboard and another million new ones for which i have to sew the blouses. haha read my trillion as 50 and million as 5, unless you already know, by now, just how much to discount my initial figures by. I hardly ever wear my gorgeous saris anymore so i really don't think i wanna waste my mom's money like that. Contrary to popular belief, i DO have a conscience and a heart.

Went to Thomson Plaza for a bit after that, and now i cant wait to watch Shutter, Happy Feet and Whale Rider. I just need to find the time, sigh. Went to Kaart's birthday after that at her house and got to spend some quiet time with the girlies! Ragi and i went to Rouge with Shawn after that and we had a good time drooling at the Gay dancer. He was AMAZING!! He had better moves that Ciara, i kid not! haha ok ok so maybe you need to see it for yourself, and maybeeee Ciara is a bit of an exaggeration but he umm she umm the dancer was really gooooooooooooooood! Siva joined us and we headed to Balcony Bar after that! I had about 3/4 of a bottle of wine at Kaart's party, and a whole freaking jug of Gin Lime (which tasted like lime juice although the bar dudes insited they poured the standard amount of Gin) at Rouge. And i didn't get high, sigh. So sad.. Instead i got really sleepy and i kinda slept off at Balcony haha. But Balcony was real nice to chill at. We sat by the Jacuzzi and apart from the rude'ish service, i'd totally recommend it! Here's a picture so you be your own judge! :)

Sunday was a chill out day at vivo city where we caught The Brave One. Damn nice movie guys, go catch it and don't be lazy like me and wait for the DVD. Its a big screen fella for sure! I wanted to say something about the ending, but no matter how general i am, it'll spoil it for you so i'm just gonna keep mum completely.

And that folks, was my weekend. Hope you had a good one too =) see yaaaaaaaaaaaa!

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of..

today was supposed to be an absolutely free day at work. it still is, TECHNICALLY, but thanks to an assholic manager, i had to do some dirty work in the morning. I've finished it now, but i'm trying to dodge more that might head my way. I wonder if the all familiar 'out of sight, out of mind' general rule will apply in this case.. Hmmm..

Since i knew it was a free day (by free i mean unassigned and thats as much explaining as im gonna do) i took my own sweet time and woke up as late as i could. Waltzed into office at 9.30am, and checked my email and was relieved to realise i was still.. free =)
Then i got a juicy phonecall so i went to the lift lobby to take it, which probably was my wrong move for the day. Coz at the lobby, i was susceptible to the shirkers. One spotted me and very rudely might i add, commanded me to go and see him later. No really, numero uno I AM NOT YOUR SERVANT, YOU DO NOT COMMAND ME EVER! and secondly, dude i'm not booked on your job, you have no RIGHT to ask me to do anything, AT ALL. if i do something for you, it will be deemed a favour, and go look up the meaning of favour will you. Coz you ask someone NICELY for a favour, you do not DEMAND. Of course all these thoughts were running through my head, while i jus gave him a surprised look and semi nodded that i'd come see him later. And so i did. Refer to my opening paragraph to the outcome of that 'meeting'. Sigh. I just hope that my 'annoyed' demeanor was a hint enough. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

anyways... yesterday was the new paper new face competition! our pretty radhi took part n she looked real awesome! she was up against some stiff competition but i don't really agree with the final results laaa. aight enuff said, don't wanna cause an uproar all =) but way to go radhi, u were greattttttttttttttt! if there was a title for loudest screams by supporters, you definitely would've gotten that ;)

after my semi sappy'ish post yesterday i had to hear some really unpleasant stories and i must say i'm very.. disappointed. sigh.. why why why. *shakes head* sometimes i feel my proclamations of undying loyalty make me the fool at the end of the day. Sometimes it really is not worth it aye.. oh well..

I indulged in some serious retail therapy on Tuesday.. Got a pretty white top from Topshop and left Forever 21 with a lighter pocket but a much heavier wadrobe! woo hoo! i loveeeeeeeeeeeeee my buys! theres this black dress i didnt buy finally, but ive been thinking about it so much i think i might just go back and get it. Oh well i shall contemplate upon it further. $73 for a plain black dress is a little steep i know, but if i love it enough to dream about it every night, then it must be worth it isnt it :)

aight its lunch time and ive no intention of staying around here much longer so i'm outtt! have a good day ya'll! muacks!

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of..

Ragi

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of..

i meant to blog in the morning, but the manager crept up on me and ive been busy ever since.. oh well, i plan to leave in 15 mins so i shall update as much (or little) as i can!

i had a creepy crawlie weekend so that left me pretty BUGGED.. watched crash at shawn's house on fri nite.. we were watching the movie intently, well i guess not 'intently' enough la, when i saw this roach crawl past the tv.. that was it! i jumped, screamed, tripped, found my feet and bolted to his room all in one second.. yeah i'm THAT terrified of the ugly creature. i peeped through his door (he's got a hole as a doorknob so yeah, go figure) and only came out when i THOUGHT they had killed the bastard. Of course, cockroaches survive death. So the *shudder* thing appeared again and the whole process repeated itself. This time shawn assured me it was dying in the corner somewhere coz he'd sprayed it. So i very slowly made my way out his room, tip toeing and eyeing the surroundings cautiously. As luck would have it, THE DAMN ROACH FOUND ITS WAY TO MY LEG. sigh, by this time i'm surprised i didnt just have a coronary or something. i jumped about everywhere and screamed and panicked my senses away- i say senses coz it was frigging 1 am and i was shrieking like a lunatic. Shawn kicked the beast and they had a whole rescue team to finally find the dying creature n bag it up- infront of me coz i refused to calm down otherwise- so it could be thrown down the chute where it bloody belonged. YUCK.

and then like i was cursed by the insect almighty or something, i had another experience on sat morning. I was enjoying my banana nut crunch cereal, mind you i'd already finished a bowl'ful. But see you can never have enough, so i rummaged through the cereal bag to try to get a handful more. I wanted the banana part so i rummaged around for quite a bit, plus i was reading something interesting so i was a lil distracted. Before i knew it, something crawled up my hand and of course all hell broke loose henceforth. I flung my hand, screamed, banged the chair against the table behind me, jumped up and ran for dear life. Wailing while doing all of the above. it was a lizard :( my poor dog ran to me and tried to pacify me, but after the racket i created, he needed to be consoled. i was sooo disturbed i swear. I was bugged about it for most of the day, awaiting with bated breath, the biggest stomach upset of my life, since i did eat a whole bowlful of lizard crunch. but thank god i was spared.. sigh, but its gonna be a while before i dare touch any cereal again. DOUBLE YUCK.

oh well, i wanted to just mention the creepy experience but i guess it kinda was worth more than two lines.. im off now!! tata!

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of..

it has been a slack week at work, but i'm still tired.. physically tired definitely, but more undeniably tired of my profession.. sure its prestigious, it renders my lavish lifestyle possible, it's unbelievably stable where promotions are automatic yearly and at least im not a manic clubber [ or was, at least ;) ] who just loafs around when i'm not out there getting drunk! But whats the point of all the respect i command, the money (that seems worthless when its my happiness i trade), the benefits i'm entitled to- that if i list you'd probably want the job yourself, the fact that my job is the only thing my parents are probably proud of these days-what with my many bad habits and the many avenues open to me once i've been in the industry for a good few years..

All that just seems insignificant, even the fact that i'm my own woman- something i told myself i'd be ever since i can remember! and yet in all my 25 years, ive never felt more.. insipid; redundant; bleak. sigh, the end is drawing near and although i'm not getting cold feet, i do wonder in the 'blackest', furthest region of my gray matter if i'm making a mistake.. if i'm throwing away one of the few good things going for me in my life.. what if i never find my dream job, which is basically anything that makes me wake up with a smile.. what if thats why its called a dream job? coz its something that only exists in a fool's paradise. and what i have now, is something real and though tiring and borders on the line of insanity during the peak period, is also what will keep me safe in this money driven society we live in.. sigh no matter how much we deny the disgusting fact that moolah makes OUR world go round.. it does.

having said all that, i've decided. i made up my mind ages back and i shall not falter at the prospect of hardship. I will brave my decision and advance upon my search for my dream job- working with animals. Its all very ladeedaa sounding i know but that is, unfortunately, where my interests and passion lie. of course it'd have been all very convenient if numbers were my forte, but after pursuing a diploma and a degree in accounting and commerce, i've come to realise its clearly not. so yeah, i'm going to quit in approximately a month, n God knows whats in store for me after that.. sigh, wish me luckkkkkkkk!

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of..

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of..

I'm definitely not what they call normal. As a wiseman once said, i have the emotional capability of a cactus. :)


my dog. my rabbit. and my prawn. :) oh and of course the selected few.


insects. rude annoying middle aged women who don't get enough action.. whose sole purpose in life is to piss me off at MRT stations. competitive freaks like myself. ;) oh and how a man's accusing finger always finds a woman.


to own a petshop and never have to sell my puppies!! :)


Shinalicious
Lagsini
Sholala
Jeshling





The Kite Runner...


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