Wednesday, June 6, 2007
How so many things changed in one afternoon..hah, to be exact, by one sms..its like my heart knows what it wants.. what I want..but my mind tells me another story..Or perhaps you're right, i AM Gemini.. so i've got 2 sides to me and at times the evil twin takes over and ruins the pretty picture the nice one had painstakingly painted..Perhaps this and perhaps that.. sigh the truth of it all is I'm just a coward..afraid to let go, afraid to make choices, afraid of anything that promises to make me happy.. coz i'm scared that it'll be taken away.. just like it was.. I know i need to wisen up, be less risk averse..to just trust.. to learn to love and be loved.. and to realise that one scar doesnt have to paralyse my whole being.. I'm hurting you when all you wanna do is to pick me up and throw me unto a bed of roses.. instead i choose to step back into the sea of thorns where pain and hurt are but friends..Why can't i just forget the world, and forget the past.. Kick off my shoes and tear off my clothes and just.. just blindly run into the darkness, this unfathomable space.. without any fear, and never once turning back.. Why? Is it coz i'm not made that way? is that even an excuse, a reason? I need answers, i need solutions.. But most of all i need to realise that everything i need to know lies within me.. I don't know if i'll ever be able to completely and entirely let go of everything i've been holding on to so tight for so long, but i do know that only then will happiness truly find a place in my heart.. and maybe then, just maybe.. will my heart find yours.. And so my journey to discover and experience life continues.. But this time, i'm hoping that our journeys entwine.. We'll see what tomorrow brings, won't we.. Like you always say - Where's the fun in knowing anyway.. sigh...
The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of..
