Wednesday, June 6, 2007
so yes we've been blessed with another day.. wish i had awoken with a revelation, but let truth be told.. i absolutely haven't.. i'm just as confused, just as bugged and just as lost.. i know what i want, but the very next second my 'know' is reduced to a 'i think i know'.. doesn't help that speaking to one my girlfriends this morning, revealed HER biggest fear these days... that you just don't know when and how you can trust the person you THINK you know best.. oh well i've dwelled on this huge ass trust issue of mine for some time now so i REALLY dun wanna get into it.. but hearing her, i wondered if it was actually my mind that had invaded hers.. if my poisioned thoughts had seeped into her once clear head, and was making her say all the very things i have been singing like a broken record ever since i can remember..
and now i wonder.. if with the same fear we suffer the same fate.. where all the sweet nothings uttered into your ears really live up to its name- sweet NOTHINGS.. where you believed.. you gave.. and you ignored the pleas and cries of your loved ones and random strangers even, just so you can TRUST the person who looked deep into your eyes and said oh so convincingly that they loved you.. only to find out it was a lie, that they were just a lie.. a mere facade.. so what were you? a convenience?
i don't know man... just when i thought i should start ridding myself off these painful straps of the baggage that found its way on my shoulders, i have another believer? another one who doubts exactly the way i do? just kinda makes me wonder if i was right all along.. that i was right to have created this defense mechanism.. that i was right when i said, 'what if' and 'maybe' and 'perhaps' and 'no'..
so where does that leave me.. leave her.. leave us.. does that mean i'm never going to trust again? never gonna let anyone get close? never going to be.. happy?
too late now.. i've let you in.. so i'm going to try again.. i'm going to believe and hope and pray that you're an exception.. an exception to the general rule- the rule where trust equates hurt.. equates deceit.. equates utter stupidity..
ah time will tell.. it always does.. and it will for her too.. we'll be alright, one day.. someday.. =)
The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of..
